music, why are you being such a jerk?

I am displeased with music at the moment.

I generally love music.

In fact,

I live for it's

melodic pleasures.

But a switch has been

flipped.

I hear songs

and feel

annoyed.

I give a new band a try

(read that aweful WILCO)

and

could whip

out the Bic

and

dissect my wrists.

I see Tim McGraw on

Oprah

(I know! My life will improve when she retires. I wonder if she's going to get Tyra to replace her?)

and think

who

encourages

his mediocre singing?

And not so much the music,

but the personal

and

prfessional endeavors

of my

ABSOLUTE

favorite band

of

all.

freaking.

time.

PEARL JAM

YOU. ARE. MESSING. WITH. MY.

MIND.

It is coming guys.

I will give you a big ole

slice

of it soon.

Untill then.

I will relax to the sounds of

my

Bluegrass Baby-Daddies

at least I'm

pretty

sure one of them is the

cause of my

swelling womb

It was either them

or

the guy I'm

married

to.

Authentic Christmas

I get all my advise from Oprah.

Don't you?

She recently had Alicia Keys as a guest and asked her if her family exchanged gifts at Christmas.

Alicia replied, "Only if it feels authentic."

Oprah was just delighted that Alicia was so enlightened.

My thought?

Wait just one hot little minute.

In your family, you only get someone a gift if it feels AUTHENTIC?

So in your enlightened universe
you visit with friends and family?

You have a beautiful dinner.

You sing in front of the fire.

Have a little egg nog.

And then you exchange gifts.

One for you.

And one for you.

And....

I didn't get you anything thing

because I couldn't find anything that felt

AUTHENTIC

There was nothing online,

in stores,

or on this

PLANET

that made ME 

feel good enough to give

YOU

But thank you for this beautiful picture frame,

So thoughtful of you!

Now.

Would you ever have the nerve to abandon 

gift giving

 because it didn't feel

AUTHENTIC?

Neither would I.

This concept is more

LAME

than

enlightened.