A lesson I will soon forget, again.

A lesson I will won't soon forget, again.

We all know I am an idiot, right?

Just when I think I have turned over a new leaf, something ridiculous happens. Something that is clearly my own fault and something I deserve (though a little mercy would be nice).

Just so you can get the clearest picture of my jackassary, let me go back a month. This hurts. Give me a minute here.

Sigh.

Here we go.

One afternoon last month it suddenly occurred to me that I haven't paid my car insurance in a while. Maybe. So I start digging and I find a notice that says, "If not paid, your insurance will be cancelled 8/31/2010." It was September 10th. Oops. REALLY.BIG.OOPS. Dang. (This maybe the 3rd time this has happened this year. Or not. Orrrrr...) I reluctantly pick up the phone and call them. The policy was cancelled. Shit. They started the process of creating a new policy and after 20 agonizing minutes, they had my new policy ready to go. I just needed to cough up the 300 bucks needed to get it going.

Houston, we have a problem.

Can I stop here? You get the picture, right?

What? This is for my own good? Suze Orman would be proud of my honesty?

Ok, ok.

Hubby gets paid every two weeks, and we still had another week to go, and the insurance company doesn't take Discover (not that I had much room on it anyway).

Hold that thought. I just checked my bank account is overdrawn and I need to go rob Peter to pay Paul.

(Unfortunately) To be continuted...

Authentic Christmas

I get all my advise from Oprah.

Don't you?

She recently had Alicia Keys as a guest and asked her if her family exchanged gifts at Christmas.

Alicia replied, "Only if it feels authentic."

Oprah was just delighted that Alicia was so enlightened.

My thought?

Wait just one hot little minute.

In your family, you only get someone a gift if it feels AUTHENTIC?

So in your enlightened universe
you visit with friends and family?

You have a beautiful dinner.

You sing in front of the fire.

Have a little egg nog.

And then you exchange gifts.

One for you.

And one for you.

And....

I didn't get you anything thing

because I couldn't find anything that felt

AUTHENTIC

There was nothing online,

in stores,

or on this

PLANET

that made ME 

feel good enough to give

YOU

But thank you for this beautiful picture frame,

So thoughtful of you!

Now.

Would you ever have the nerve to abandon 

gift giving

 because it didn't feel

AUTHENTIC?

Neither would I.

This concept is more

LAME

than

enlightened.

Sarcasm ever?

I like to think I have a way with words.

I am so gifted in the art

that few people are at my ADVANCED level.

Some times this causes a few

misunderstandings.

See,

I forget.

I forget, that regular folk

are just happy to be going about

their business.

Then I come along.

Example:

Folks:

(referring to my pregnant belly

and the 1 and 3 year old I'm dragging behind me)

So, uh, ya gonna have any more?

Me:

Not with this husband!

Folks:

(silence)